Fun party trick: put Skittles and M&M’s in the same bowl, wait for someone to grab a handful.
you can go fuck yourself
lets have a minute of silence for those people who have their family comment on their facebook pictures.
It’s mad depressing when u eat the last piece of candy but you didn’t look at the bag and realize it was the last one so you could truly appreciate it for what it was worth
why the fuck cant we text the police
lets say there is a murderer in ur house and you’re hiding behind your sofa and you do have your phone with you but you can’t call the police because the murderer might hear you
Here in Canada you can
Here in England we just… scream and run
Here in Scotland we paint our faces and run towards the murderer
Here in Australia you are the murderer
when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that i can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s better and involves me
We can only be friends if you’re kind of an asshole. Not full blown asshole because that’s no fun. And if you’re not an asshole at all then that won’t work either. A halfway asshole. Those are my kind of people.